TRAIL ZONE

TRAIL MAIL:

DVD ENJOYMENT & CLUBBY'S DICKY KNEE

Dear TRAIL ZONE Team: I'm new to this interweb thingy and emailing so I hope I'm doing this right. Warren has given me some instructions and many years ago I used a typewriter to make a living as a secretary so it's not too foreign to me. My son Warren recieved your DVD yesterday in the post with your magazine, of which he speaks highly. As I was preparing the meat and three veg for tea he was watching it on the TV and I could see it through the servery hatch. I was just a little miffed at missing Deal Or No Deal but he was just SO keen to watch it, what can a mother do? I ask you. Imagine my surprise to see not only my first born in your DVD fillum but also my grandson! In my shock I knocked over my cup of hot Milo and put a chip in the last remaining teacup from the set given to me as a wedding present some 60 years ago. Tiddles was not very impressed either when the hot Milo dripped on him as he was standing at my feet waiting for his evening meal. Now whilst I do not approve of noisy motor bikes roaring around raising dust and disturbing the peace I can see from your DVD fillum that you do have the common courtesy to do so well away from people who may think likewise and applaud you for your obvious manners. Warren and Lachlan were both excited and pleased to see themselves on fillum, is it still called that on a DVD? I was a little flushed with excitement myself and can't wait until our next "bring a family fillum clip" night at our local bingo club. That annoying big-noter Elsie Elphinton and her constant fillum clips of her bratty little snot-nosed grandson playing table tennis is going to be upstaged finally. Her fillum clips don't get sent all around the country like your DVD will be, at least that is what Warren tells me. Will you be likely to use either of them again in another fillum? Warren tells me you do one each year. I think they should be used more as they are both such nice boys. I don't want to sound like a blow hard saying that, I leave that sort of thing to Elsie, but it's not just my motherly opinion, most of my friends have remarked upon it at some time. I have a question though, that fellow the Warren tells me is called Pop Gunn, is he really old enough to be a grandfather or is he called Pop for some other reason? He looks a little young...
-- Warren's Mum (and Lachlan's Grandmum), via www.trailzone.com.au

Dear Gandma Wazza: This is Nurse Gladys Crabtree from the Northern Beaches Aged Care Clinic replying on behalf of our latest geriatric patient, Mister Clubb, who has joined us here in our humble establishment offering cutting-edge grey hair care after returning from his latest assignment to the USA to ride the deserts of California and Nevada and carrying home with him fresh grown egg-plants attached to his right knee and right ankle after taking a tumble from his borrowed XR650R in the aforementioned deserts. Given his senior years, we really would have thought Mr Clubb knew better ... Nevertheless, your letter has given our star patient hours of entertainment as we carefully read it to him, word by word, sentence by sentence, as he lies in bed with his injured extremities elevated, and dribbling his sweet corn and chicken soup down his chin with every spoonful we serve him. The smirk on his face, the glint in his eye, even the lump in his crutch (under the sheets, thankfully!) all indicate the warm and fuzzy feeling he has gained to know that Wazza and Lachie are now confident of their multi-media star status. He has also scratched out an Invoice for both Wazza and Lachie (drawn with a pencil clenched between his teeth), to ensure he receives the rich rewards he is due for 'discovering' two such natural-born DVD dirt bike talents. We will forward this to you in due course. When Mr Clubb finally regains full fitness and is able to once again swing a leg over his beloved 83 Tenere (he has decorated his bedside tables with so many Tenere artefacts!), he will no doubt steer himself and his equally geriatric machine south to congratulate you all in person. Until then, believe in the power of Vicodin and full body bed washes daily! 

Yours in good health,

-- Nurse Gladys Crabtree, Director General & Chief Medical Officer, Old Age Care & Spoon Feeding Ward, Northern Beaches Specialist Geriatric Clinic.